Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The Non-Bucket List: The Bucket List I Never Planned On

The hardest part about maintaining a second-rate blog is not a shortage of ideas. It is actually prioritizing the stupidity of my life and trying to determine what to write about. The other day I was enjoying a cool afternoon in the embassy garden. I was thinking about how I ended up here. I was reminiscing about when Emily and I got married and moved to Missoula. If you had told me at that point that I would pack up and leave Montana I would have called you a liar.

As I sat in the garden, I thought about how living in Islamabad was never even on my mind…..ever. It is not that it is a bad place. In fact, if the security situation was a lot better, it would actually be a nice place to visit. But alas, I would not be here if that were the situation. I began to think about the movie "The Bucket List" and all of the things that they had on their list that they wanted to do before they died. Having little initiative and having low expectations I have achieved everything on my bucket list, in case you are wondering they are:

1. Get a job

2. Live past 30

There was no particular order to my bucket list; however, I have managed to achieve both and as a bonus I actually got a girl to marry me!

Living a life of mediocrity has its privileges. Since neither one of those topics are overly exciting to write about I have decided that I would make a list of things I never wanted to do, that I am currently doing and have accomplished with any level of success. I call it my "Non-Bucket List" and will discuss them as I think about them or when they occur.

Today's Non-Bucket List (NBL) is something that most people would probably not plan for. Why would they…..Livestock pooping in my house:

Pakistan is home to exotic animals like goats, cows, chickens, and monkeys. You can probably already see where this is heading. Some very good friends of mine were leaving Pakistan, so naturally I decided to host a party at my house. My house mates focused on details like food, plastic plates, and utensils. I on the other hand focused my attention on getting the guy that walks around town with the goat and the monkey.

I spent the better part of the week obsessing about getting a goat and a monkey for the shindig. At D minus 1, I still did not have a goat or a monkey. I had exhausted all of my contacts in Islamabad. I have experienced pressure before and failure was not an option. I went to a friend and asked if he knew a contact for a goat/monkey man (yes there is more than one). It turned out that Nadeem my tailor knew a monkey/goat guy. All that time and all I had to do, call the guy that makes my suits.

All I really wanted was the monkey; who doesn't like a Monkey that does tricks. The monkey was amazing, it did back flips, played soldier, fell over dead, did amazing pushups, and for a finale walked and sat like a "gentlemen." Following that the monkey was available for photos. Everyone was reluctant to sit next to the monkey, especially since G-Money still has a scar from the last time he went to a party with a monkey. Being the big man that I am went first, I made a crucial mistake; a mistake that I will never make again. As I approached the monkey, I looked at it and smiled. NEVER look a monkey in the eye. It came at me. My fight or flight instincts kicked in and I ran screaming. G-Money then informed me that you should never look a monkey in the eye, after all he has the scar to prove it.

While the "Gentlemen" monkey was entertaining the goat was amazing but relatively boring. It did two tricks; the first was that it stood on very small wood pedestals. The monkey/goat guy would put another block on and the goat would balance. The second trick was that it crapped on my floor, which seemed to get more laughs than anything. That was pretty much it for the goat. Below are the pictures.

What social gathering would be complete without goat crap on the floor?


  1. Good morning Brent-At last, an update to your blog. I wish you would do this morning often as you truly have a gift as a writer. We currently have 6" of snow on the ground (and more coming) and tonight it is supposed to be -20 degrees-still wish you were in MT?
    Be safe and Happy New Year

  2. Been waiting for a post! It's a great one! Happy New Year!

  3. Brent, I guess the real question is do you have carpet. Goat doings on an uncarpetted floor wouldn't be so bad, but on a carpeted floor...well no good. If you have carpet then you may need to find the goat mess cleaning man which may or may not be available through your contacts...I'm guessing not. Thanks for writing I enjoy your posts.