The Mistress and Other Random Thoughts

The Mistress

OK, maybe I need to start off by finding a new name for my new bike. The next thing I would like to do is apologize for my Halloween blog, it is full of typographic and grammatical errors. I have found that it is a bad idea to do anything while on Ambien. This is especially true of blogging and Facebook. The next day I discover that I have done something horribly embarrassing and quickly rush to delete any ridiculous comments. In the case of the Halloween blog, I didn't realize I had posted it for a couple of days. That is enough about the Ambien induced ramblings and back to the subject of naming my bike.

If anyone can think of a name that is less suggestive then "The Mistress" please let me know by commenting below, it bothers Emily when I say I am going to spend some quality time with my "Mistress." This bike is possibly the smoothest riding bike I have ever owned.

There is still plenty of room for Olivia's bike at Christmas

Although I am having a hard time getting used to the Italian components (the shifters are set up differently) I will soon get the hang of it. Right now I am having a hard time wanting to get it dirty. Riding it on a wet street would result in road grime getting in groves. For those of you who don't care about bikes, it would be like the first time you spill a 32 ounce Coke in your car. No matter how hard you try, you can never get the Coke out of the groves and the buttons always stick. However, once I get past the grime it is game on. This is similar to getting your first door ding on a new car, after which you will park next to this car at Wal-mart with no reservations.

PeopleofWalMart.com

In fact, it felt weird putting lubricant on the chain. This bike has never been ridden, which is why it has not had oil on the chain. I purchased this bike on 23 October and was able to ride it for the first time on Sunday. Tomorrow I will take it to the battlefield for some miles. That is if it is not raining, mainly because I am a wimp, not because I do not want to get it wet. Once again, please let me know if you can come up with a better name. I am really going after something that passes the ride test. For those who are not familiar with the "ride test," you must be able to say "I am going to ride (insert name of bike here)" without being offensive. I also recommend that you make suggestions while Ambien free. Thanks.

My wife is the greatest. Even though she refuses to send pictures on a regular basis, she is a nice person. We have been married for 12 years and I can honestly say that during that time we have only had two arguments, one was the new big t.v. which I didn’t want. The other was about a fishing trip that she said I could go on but then the day before she said she needed the truck. Even after a month of daily remainders, she still forgot. But she has gotten much better; sometimes she even calls people and tells them that I need to go fishing before I drive her insane. Another neat thing about my wife is that she supports my bike habit even though a meth or crack habit would be cheaper.

It has become a tradition that whenever I reach a milestone in life I get to buy a bike. My Iraq bike is the Salsa Las Cruces.



The next bike I purchase is what I like to call the "I am pretty much signing on for another crap tour overseas.” The first ever Army Officer Captains Retention Incentive bonus purchased the Salsa El Mariachi 29er. I even allowed Emily to purchase a new furnace for the house, mainly so the tire pressure would remain consistent due to temperature changes.

I am not sure why I bought the Basso other than the fact I like it. I call it "the Mistress" which of course Emily dislikes due to the fact that I tell people I am going to go spend some quality time with my "Mistress." I do not know what the big deal is but my wife is #1 in my world.

As soon as I arrived in Pakistan I began shopping for the “Pakistan” bike. I called my local bike shop and he had just the bike for me, the 2011 Giant Anthem X 29er.

He basically said that it would be a great bike for a guy my size (big). Which is basically saying that “based on your size you probably ride like a hippo does ballet, you just hit everything in your way.” Although he has never ridden with me this is true.

Getting back to my nice wife, one day as we spoke on the phone she asked me where I was going to put the fourth bike. We do not have a garage, two are hanging on the wall in the family room, one is in the basement with her bike. It is a reasonable question. My first thought was move kid number four into kid number one’s room and create the BIKE ROOM. I was informed that would not be an option. I then suggested that we get rid of the washer and dryer, further suggesting that Emily go the laundry mat. She did not buy my efficiency argument which basically suggested that she could do 10 loads in the time it takes to do one. I am just trying to help.

This is where it gets really great. She said "maybe if we move the Basso over we can make room on the wall for the new one." She is the greatest wife ever!

Heartland Century

It has been a couple of weeks (ok more like a month) since the Heartland Century. It was a nice 107 mile ride (supposed to be 104 but I got lost) through Illinois farmland. The county roads are amazing, paved, clean, and most important minimal traffic with polite drivers. The high was about 80 degrees and the morning started with a nice cool mist. For my first century I performed well beyond my expectations and the personal goal I set (8 hours). As for my preparation:

1. Ride as much as possible: I rode as much as possible (which was not nearly enough).

2. Get a good set of tires: I did not flat (not sure if that had to do with a good set of tires or the reasonably clean roads).

3. Drink a bunch of water: I did a lousy job of hydrating for the several days before the ride. It turns out that Diet Coke is not a water substitute (shocking I know).

4. Shove my jersey pockets as full of Jelly Belly Caffeine Sports Beans and Cliff Bars as possible: I never made it to the bike shop to purchase Jelly Belly Caffeine Sports Beans. Recent studies show that caffeine is a great for enhancing athletic performance, I was mainly trying to stay off withdrawal due to lack of Diet Coke. Fortunately the "continental breakfast" consisted of energy bars and gels so I used the Caffienated Clif Shot gels (nasty) at the sign in table. I ate about 3 or so Pearson's Salted Nut Rolls (240 calories apiece) during the ride and a standard Clif bar (240 calories).

As for getting lost I would like to point out that I am not from the area and this part of Illinois is like a giant maize maze. I am anti-GPS (for use as other than a speedometer and odometer (mine is basic no road maps, just data). The cue sheet that was handed out was long and without a map, missing a turn or missing a mileage mark translates to lost. To make it easier, the Quad Cities Bike Club paints a bright orange heart on the pavement with an arrow. But I missed a turn in the small town of Erie, Illinois where I took a few mile detour around the down town area.

For this ride I chose the Basso aka "the Mistress." This was a comfortable choice, however, it is high geared and is limited to 16 gears. I bought some new Continental Gatorskin tires in a 25c for the durability. Aside from the gearing and limited choice of shifting, it is a great bike and for being 16 years old it does an amazing job.

Below are some super high quality pics of my ride stats. If you need to, turn your monitor sideways to view the pictures.

This is clearly a picture of the trip odometer for the ride.

Moving Time was 6 hours 31 minutes. This did not calculate the time I spent eating at the mid point SAG. Average speed is 16.5 MPH

As you can see, the map feature is fairly detail free, there are no road map features. If someone would like to get me a Garmin Edge 800 for a gift I could probably upload really cool ride stats and profiles instead of using a camera. I have a feeling that for $500 I will continue with my camera and old GPS.

I would like to add that while rides like this are not about racing, my family blood does not permit me to participate in anything without it becoming some sort of competition in the end. This quality is both a burden and a blessing which ultimately allows a person like me to survive in a world of intelligent and talented people. I found myself racing some people who started before me, did not get lost, and did not sit and eat/drink as long as I did. At one point I found myself working hard to catch a man that was about 1/4 mile ahead of me. After several miles of relentless pursuit I caught the man. As I overtook him I gave a friendly greeting of the day. To my surprise, it was a woman. To be clear, I was not surprised a woman was "beating" me in a "race," that has happened plenty in life. She just looked like a man!

I quickly shook that off and began my pursuit of another "man," as I got closer I was assured of this based on the fact that facial hair was present. What shocked me about this guy was that he looked as though he would be better suited for bowling or low endurance activities such as watching NASCAR. To my surprise, he could pedal.

I guess that is what I like about bicycling, anyone can do it, regardless of age, gender, or shape. Though it does help to be young, fit, and prepared.

Every One Has a Story: My bikes tell mine.

I love bikes.  There are times I try to figure out why; they cause me to sweat, bleed, curse, and hurt.  The best explanation is that they make me feel timeless.  When ever I walk into a bike shop I feel the same as I did in 1992.  When I get on a bike and ride I feel the same as I did in 1998 (mentally, physically not so much).  My life is very different than I ever dreamed, however, there has been one constant:  Bikes.  I have done things that some would not dare and that others wish they could. I have lived an amazing life and I have scars (both visible and invisible) to prove it. I would not trade those scars for anything in the world. If I were to pass tomorrow I would be more than satisfied with the life I lived. By the way, I don't plan on passing tomorrow, there are many to many more scars left to get!

I love bikes and each of them have a story and have helped me heal some of the invisible scars. Here are their stories (and mine).

Salsa Las Cruces: aka Old Faithful

Over the years I outgrew my GT triple triangle mountain bike and stopped riding it. I had shopped for several years and couldn't afford the bikes I wanted. Then came a combat tour in Iraq. It was an opportunity to make a little extra money and a bike would be a great we to decompress from a stressful year.

I spent precious down time waiting to access the Internet so I could shop for the bike I wanted and could now afford. I wanted something I could ride just about anywhere and decided a cyclocross bike would be the best combination of speed, comfort, and utility. I fell in love with the Salsa Las Cruces' color. Every one needs an orange bike just like everyone needs a bike called Old Faithful.

Emily found a bike shop in Fairbanks, AK and ordered it so it would there when I got home in August of that year. Only I didn't get home in August. I got home 4 months later for a total of 16 months. Two days from going home we were extended and sent to Baghdad.


This was a dark (mainly because I did the night shift) and scary (I think I can say that now) time in my life. I had led an infantry platoon for a year and now I had four more months! While the Las Cruces hang in a bike shop half way around the world I discovered what true stress and sacrifice is.  Then I lost a squad leader to a sniper in a Baghdad slum. Most of those experiences and emotions I will never share publicly. However, Old Faithful has shared every one of those emotions. Over thousands of miles we have shared pain, sorrow, laughter, and a few tears have fallen on that orange painted aluminum.  To this day, this has been the most maintenance free bike I have.  It is definitely my favorite ride.

Salsa El Mariachi: aka the Red Headed Stepchild

I have always loved the outdoors and I have amazing memories of mountain biking in Montana with the crew from the Morning Light. Like so many young people, I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life. So I mountain biked and all but lived at my friend Dan's house, his parents even set an extra plate for me at the table. Dan and I were far from great but rain, snow, or shine we rode.

I missed mountain biking and had abandon the purple GT in all of its purple anodized glory. I was looking at low maintenance hard tails with decent front suspension and as usual the price got in the way. At the time 29ers were common but only produced by a select group of manufacturers. The trend was to have a steel rigid 29er which saved a ton of money. 

It was a rough time in the Army and there was a lot of attrition. I was considering getting out when Uncle Sugar offered a retention bonus. I figured that if taking the money meant another year over there, I might as well get that El Mariachi.

I liked the options that Salsa advertised. It had a sweet stem painted to match the frame which allowed me to relive the glory days of purple anodizing. It had a 1x9 setup which met my goal of keeping it simple. It boasted a Bushnell eccentric bottom bracket so it could easily be set up as a single speed. Above all it had Salsa's beautiful detailing and amazing red paint that sparkled even in low light.

So why the "Red Headed Stepchild" (I will call it the RHS and no offense to anyone who may have red hair)?  This bike has been the least favorite and has caused nothing but frustration.  By far the least favored.  I ordered it and it arrived after a  grueling 36 hour Army induced ordeal.  Sleep deprived I drove to the bike shop to get it.  There it sat in it's beautiful red glory.  I took it home and adjusted the seat height (not checking the bolts that the bike shop should have tightened to hold the seat on) and went for a ride.  It turns out that no one at the shop turned a wrench on that thing.  The seat popped off, the eccentric bottom bracket shifted to the left and right causing the chain line to shift and in turn the chain jumped from gear to gear.  The cables wore through the red paint to the steel on the first ride.  The seat post would not clamp in place and I would have to raise it every half hour as the steel frame cut grooves in the post (I later learned about carbon paste which creates enough friction to keep it in place).  The tires were ridiculous, they were the widest 29er tire on the market and there was little to no clearance for mud which tore up the paint.  Then there was the recall on the beautiful matching red stem and just like purple anodizing, it was gone too.  So after countless trips to the bike shop for them to adjust this and that and find out that it was something else the bike fell out of my favor.  It is nice to ride but the EBB has always given me fits. 

I have now converted it to a single speed and I despise the EBB (something that Salsa has moved away from on subsequent models).  Maybe the bike was a mistake like taking the bonus.  But whatever, I have the bike and a job!

The Basso Lotto:  aka The Mistress.

This story begins a few years ago in a nice community called Mosul, Iraq.  During the course of a year I was patrolling this city, I was hit by four road side bombs.  This did not include the many rocks that hit me in the head (and fortunate for us no one was injured in Baghdad by the friendly guys dropping cinder blocks from an eight story building).  A friend of mine who was retiring recommended that I get this documented and get some testing done for mTBI.  "It will make it easier down the road." he said.  This turned into numerous trips to Portsmouth Naval Hospital and I don't think it made it easier.

This involved a long drive with lousy traffic (four times).  One day I noticed a small bike shop in Portsmouth and having some time I stepped in.  Nothing unusual, it was a bike shop like so many others.  Except a thing of beauty.  A 1994 Italian Lugged steel bike.  Just so happens it was my size.  It had never be ridden!  Fortunately for me most people don't have gorilla genes like the Irish Tsunami have.  It was perfect the guy never put pedals on it.  Outfit with a classic Campagnolo Chorus 16 speed components and white handle bar tape (which always looks hot until the first time it is used).  Never ridden!  It would be mine, it had to.  I will spare you more details and refer you to the following blog post.  The bottom line is that I had to wait a month or two to save and pay cash (Household 6 rules) and I was worried the whole time that some other tall guy who wanted a 16 year old bike would randomly walk and buy it.

She became mine, and I love her.  Though the 16 speeds are geared for racing and not for a great slow beast like me.  The last century I rode with it I cussed at the limited number of options.  Amazing bike with a pretty good story.

By the way, I have a hard head and apparently bombs and rocks made no difference to my average intelligence.

Giant Anthem X 29er:  aka the bike of freedom

I have never been overly interested in full suspension.  Mainly because I didn't understand it.  I always thought it was about cushioning the blow of rocks and roots.  Why would I want to spend a bunch of money on a complex bike when the point was to have the challenge of rocks and roots?  If I wanted a cushion I would sit on the couch!  I have since learned that it is not about cushioning the impact, rather, it is about keeping the tires in contact with the ground.  This means traction, which means control at higher speeds.

I volunteered to for a free trip to Iraq.  A couple of weeks before I was to depart, I still didn't have orders.  Then one day there were orders....to Islamabad, Pakistan.  I am still trying to figure this one out, it really shouldn't have happened, but it did.  Because of some "administrative" errors, I was unable to go on a mid-tour leave and ended up spending 350 consecutive days there.  It was a great experience, one I love, have fond memories of, and will always cherish.

It was also very stressful.  Not the same kind of stress that I had in Iraq.  I had my frustration, and trust me, after 350 days in Islamabad while watching friends come and go got to me.  It had it's scary times too.  Much like the the Salsa Las Cruces I was going to use this as an opportunity to get the bike I wanted.  I spoke to a friend at my preferred bike shop and told him I wanted a Felt.  He told me that I didn't want a Felt, that I wanted the soon to be released Anthem X 29er.

So I committed.  A lot, considering it wasn't even on the market yet and I hadn't had a test ride.  Again, the Anthem X 29er sat on the show room floor for some time before I was able to ride it.  I will never do this bike justice and it has made me a better rider.  I feel as though I have a ton of control, allowing me to step outside my comfort zone, which is an important place to be.  Admittedly, I wreck more on this bike than any other, but it is because I am testing my limits.

Every time I ride it, I get the same feeling I felt when I landed on American soil after 350 days of "administrative" error.  The feeling of the wind through my "hair."  FREEDOM!

Surly Ogre:  I haven't had it long enough to give it an aka.

  

So far I like it.  It feels right.  It represents the desire I have to get out and explore the world.  To experience life and be able to overcome any obstacles in the way.