The Newbie

I would like to formally introduce Noah. He is affectionately referred to as the "newbie." He was born on 11 August and weighed 9lbs 8 ounces, he was 22 inches long. He eats constantly. He will no doubt be a contributer to the Tsunami.

Conspiracy Theory: Selling you crap

Today I am going to be writing about a very “sensitive issue.” In recent years there has been much discussion about the damaging effect that bicycle seats can have on a person's love life. This is due to the devastation that the bicycle saddle can have on the perineum. This problem is so serious that The New York Times ran an article on this topic. I am not a doctor and I do believe I get dumber every day so I will allow the “experts” to explain in detail. A quick sidebar though, I found something to be interesting about this particular web page.

Coincidence? I don't think so!

Back to the point. This issue has caused so much concern, that in recent years a great deal of research and development has gone into solving what is clearly one of the world's greatest health issues (even more so then health care reform). I am going to post several examples of Plastic Crap from China (PCC) that the industry would like you to purchase. Yes, I am talking about a conspiracy between the seat makers of the world and medical professionals. Then I will conclude with several examples of why I think this is a marketing tool aimed at extorting people for large amounts of money.

Examples of stupid stuff:

One of the first items I came across was the Derri-Air bicycles seats. They provide "luxury gel" seats and covers. I was so intrigued by these that I had to visit their testimonials. I found this testimonial to be interesting, I don't know who Robert C. is, but I think I figured out one of his problems:

Maybe the problem isn't so much that standard seats cut like knives, but that he weighs 270 lbs. That alone would put pressure on any perineum. But (no pun intended) at least he has found an 11 inch wide seat that works for him.

The next interesting product that I found is the Spongy Wonder. I would like to meet the marketing genius that came up with that name! From looking at the description below, even Robert C. at a husky 270 lbs can use the MK9A Model.

All I can say is if you are worried about a traditional seat ruining your love life, wait until she sees you on this.

The final model I would like to point out is the Hobson Noseless Saddle. Not only has Hobson sold about 1/2 million of these bad boys, but they have also created a market for sheepskin covers (scroll down the page). Below is a list of reasons to buy the Hobson Noseless saddle. I added a couple of other reason at the bottom of each column:

As stated earlier, I am not a doctor. I have not conducted numerous studies about the effects. I have suffered the numbness that accompanies 50+ mile rides. I will agree that the discomfort is unpleasant. However, I do not believe that it is so serious that it requires the extremes listed above. I do believe there are a number of examples that counter the medical professionals and the wacky bike seat designer.

Example #1: China

China is known as "the bicycle kingdom" where estimates range from 1 bike to every 2-3 people. That means about 1/2 billion people ride bikes as a form of transportation. In spite of all 1/2 billion perinea screaming out in pain, China has managed to grow to a population of 1.6 billion people. Incontinence.....I think not. Even if you take the staggering number of 1/2 million Hobson saddles that have been sold and send them to China, it is but a mere fraction of the total number of bikes and riders.

Example #2: Olivia my 7 year-old

Example #3 Vance my 4 year-old

Example #4 Simon my 2 year-old

Example #5 Noah (aka Newbie) my 1 month-old

Examples #2-5 demonstrate that countless hours in the saddle have not had a negative impact on my life. Either that or I am superhuman. In fact, I think I may be a better example then China; they are only allowed 1 child per family, therefore not having as much statistical, scientific evidence, or clout as I have provided in having produced four.

Maybe I need Robert C.'s old seat as described in the Derri-Air seat testimony above. He stated that his seat cut like a knife, if you know what I mean.

Community Service: no I am not in trouble.

The other day while in Richmond, I dropped off some bike stuff I no longer need. Richmond Re-cycles is a great place to drop off used parts or bikes http://www.richmondre-cycles.com/. They are a community focused bike shop and provide a great service in addition to inexpensive parts and service. One of the items I dropped off was a tool tray for an old work stand. I had found the tray in the basement, I didn’t want to throw it away, but I dropped the work stand off about one year ago with the “purple people eater.” I thought they might know who bought the work stand. Once again, I didn’t want to see it go to waste.

As I walked through the door, I was pleased to see the work stand by the entrance of their new shop. I told the man that I had the work tray for it. He told me that it was used for quick repairs. It brought a lot of joy to my heart to know that places like this exist and that I somehow made a small contribution to their efforts to provide low cost or free service to keep bike riders riding. He gave me a couple of inner tubes, which I always need. What a great place.

I am actually very glad to have these inner tubes. No sooner did I post a blog about not having a flat in a long time, I went to leave the house bright and early this morning.....you guessed it, I had a flat. I was able to put my spare wheels on and was only set back a couple of minutes. How is that for luck. At least I have spare wheels set up.

Men in Tights

In 1994 I bought my first decent mountain bike. I fell in love with it. While other kids my age were buying cars, I was upgrading to SPD pedals and new suspension. But there was one thing that I could not get behind. That was lycra/spandex/tights. While I had no problems with people like Ned Overend and Tinker Juarez wearing lycra/spandex/tights, I couldn’t. I think that was my aversion to road biking. While I could get away with baggies and a t-shirt mountain biking, I couldn’t with road biking. In fact, there is only one thing worse then lycra/spandex/tights, and that is people riding road bikes in baggies.

Several years later I got a job at a coffee shop, it was the best job I have ever had. While working the evening shift, a gentleman would come in for post road ride coffee. I looked forward to him coming in each evening during the summer; he rode fine Italian steel with Campagnolo and gorgeous lug work. To me, this made up for the fact that he wore lycra/spandex/tights.
We would talk at great length about bicycles, he was somewhat fascinated with mountain bikes and I was intrigued with his road bikes. I was always amazed that he would regularly ride up McDonald Pass, with an impressive 2000+ feet of elevation gain. Then, one day he showed up in his old Toyota pickup (my kind of guy, his bike was worth more than his car) and a cast on his arm. He had crashed on the pass and tore several tendons in his hand. It was at that point that I came to the realization, that road biking and lycra/spandex/tights had a serious element of risk and may not have been that bad.

Several years later, he and my mother-in-law began seeing each other and were married. What a great story. I digress, back to the discussion of lycra/spandex/tights. When I bought my cyclocross bike, I planned on using it on the road for longer distances. At that point I realized that it would be necessary for me to don lycra/spandex/tights because I did not want to be that guy riding long distances in baggies. I have overcome my issues with wearing tight clothing, at least on the road.

A year ago, I took a bunch of Boy Scouts out to work on their Bicycling Merit Badge. A friend knew that I was a bike enthusiast and thought it would be fun. It was hell. Plain and simple hell, nothing like riding 20 miles with a bunch of people with rusty bikes from Wal-mart....50 lb bikes. Not that I am prejudice, I just learned that the condition of a person's bike is a direct correlation to their abilities to ride long distances. didn't We planned a ride that would take place in Northern Virginia and West Virginia. I put on my tights and I was ready for the 20 mile ride. Of course the 15 boy scouts started snickering. I stated that if any of them beat me, they could make fun. During that ride as I cranking away in rural West Virginia, a pitbull ran out from a house and cut me off. There I was all alone, using my bike as barrier between me and the dog, wearing tights. I may have screamed which got the attention of the redneck who lived in the house. I think I heard a banjo in the distance. I briefly thought, "why did I wear tights." I was so far ahead that none of the boys witnessed this event. No one said a word at the end of the day about the tights, but I am sure the boys and a redneck were all snickering.

Here is the dilemma, I am in the Army. The Army is not the most open minded organization, especially when it comes to men wearing tights. I have been to combat; I have fought insurgents, hit by roadside bombs, shot at, mortared…..you would think that no one would judge me for wearing tights. You would think!

As stated before, I have come to terms with my lycra/spandex/tights; I just wish the people I work with could. It would be nice if I could go for a morning ride and come in to shower without a ton of catcalls.

My Daughter: Playing Chicken in the Alley

A couple of years ago, don't worry Vance wears a helmet

The other day I was out riding bikes with my kids. It occured to me that they love to ride. Olivia does very well on a bike, she cannot go fast enough. Although she seems to be in control she makes me nervous. Vance does not understand the concept of brakes. He goes fast and is out of control which makes me very nervous. Imagine if you will a 7 year-old girl and a 4 year-old boy racing in the alley. It should make you nervous.



At one point, Olivia thought it was fun to play chicken with Vance. Neither he nor I thought that was at all fun. What was fun though, is that we were all out riding bikes together. My kids love it. Our alley is paved and has the perfect slope for learning to ride bikes. I look forward to the day that Vance can ride without training wheels.



Every now and then, Olivia and I will jump on our bikes and ride to Wendy’s for a daddy/daughter date. I love sitting down with her and talking about life. Olivia usually orders a frosty for Emily which goes in her tattered handle bar basket (it is mostly zip ties due to the fact it gets crushed every time she wrecks). One day she crashed in the alley, it is a good thing that the hamburger tastes the same in a crushed from as it does in the non-crushed form.





I took her to a bike shop and she took a mountain bike for a test ride. She did surprisingly well with the brake levers. I am sure the crashes would increase until she gets used to them. She keeps asking about it. I see her riding some dirt trails by the end of the year. She also saw a handlebar bag with a zipper. She said "hey dad, if I had that nothing would fall out when I crash!" At least she is realistic.



I am glad that my kids love to ride bikes as much as I do. I hope they continue that trend through life.

In the Dark

I would like to start off this post by making a confession: I am a big dumb animal. I learn the hard way. Baptism by fire. This has made my life hard, but rewarding.

A couple of months ago I was tired of getting flat tires. I was flatting a couple of times a week. I learned you can put about 5-10 patches on an inner tube before it is done. I learned that RitcheySpeed-max 'cross tires are not even close to puncture resistant. So I reluctantly gave in and ordered some nice Michelin City tires with extra puncture resistance.

On this particular morning I was on my way to work when my light died. I was not far from the office when I ran through a patch of glass (clear glass is hard to see in the dark). It was at that point that I learned a valuable lesson, 5 layers of puncture protection are not a guarantee. I also learned another valuable lesson, one I have learned many times over, tools are good! I was sitting on the edge of the Petersburg Battlefield in the dark with no light, no tire lever, and a tire that is an extremely good fit. I tried brute strength, I tried sticks, and I tried crying (temporarily rescinding my “crying in the shower only” policy).

Then it occurred to me that the quick release skewer would make a good lever. So I wedged it in there, applied all of my brute strength and tears (I mean manliness), shredded the inner tube beyond repair, and the tire came off. Good old fashioned American ingenuity.
Later that day I was looking at my bike and noticed a strange bulge in the tire. In all of my efforts I had managed to rip about 2 inches of the bead off of the tire. That translated to $45 down the drain. Queue the tears. My wife was also thrilled that she had to load up 3 kids and pick me up after work.

These are the hard lessons learned. It takes less than one minute to inspect the tool kit I now carry everywhere; It took me 35 minutes to destroy a tire. Oddly enough, I have not gotten a flat since I carry the kit.

Simplicity

It is official; the newbie is causing sleep deprivation. I am getting just enough sleep to avoid insanity. That is normally a short trip anyway. I have not ridden all week and I have miss it. In fact, I have missed the exit to get off the interstate twice this week, forcing me to drive an extra seven miles to get to work. I guess I am lucky I haven't crashed and burned in a fiery inferno or driven off of the bridge into the Appomattox River.

I don't recall ever riding my bike and missing a turn on the way to the office, of course I have gotten lost on new trail or route. But really, who hasn't gotten lost in the mountains of West Virginia, alone and wearing spandex (queue the ominous banjo). Even so it is simple to correct yourself on a bike. Even when I am exhausted I feel refreshed and awake after a couple of miles on my bike.

Simplicity is the key:

While serving over seas, I lost something. Altough this is not something I am prepared to discuss in detail right now, my life has become clouded with complexity. That is why I love bikes, I am drawn to their simplicity and they make me feel like I did when I was a kid. When I am on my bike I am focused on the road and the traffic around me, nothing else. It allows me to escape.

I can remember all of the bikes I have owned over the years, each one brought the same joy to my life. In 1994 I saved all summer and bought my first decent mountain bike. It was an simple aluminum GT, no suspension or frills and very purple. It got increasingly more complex; I wanted suspension, then I wanted "V" Brakes, and then purple anodized bar ends....it was as if life got clouded with getting the next component. My life was simple, the bike was becoming complex.

Today, as my life becomes more complex, I search for simplicity. Each bike I get gets more basic. When I started shopping for a new mountain bike (to replace the 1994 "purple people eater") I was looking for simplicity. Steel, rigid, and 9 speeds. I am ready to make the next step and move to single speed.

In a world full of complexity, I do not understand why people seek more complexity. I do not worry about style or popular opinion, for me, I'll take simplicity.