Thursday, September 3, 2009

Conspiracy Theory: Selling you crap

Today I am going to be writing about a very “sensitive issue.” In recent years there has been much discussion about the damaging effect that bicycle seats can have on a person's love life. This is due to the devastation that the bicycle saddle can have on the perineum. This problem is so serious that The New York Times ran an article on this topic. I am not a doctor and I do believe I get dumber every day so I will allow the “experts” to explain in detail. A quick sidebar though, I found something to be interesting about this particular web page.

Coincidence? I don't think so!

Back to the point. This issue has caused so much concern, that in recent years a great deal of research and development has gone into solving what is clearly one of the world's greatest health issues (even more so then health care reform). I am going to post several examples of Plastic Crap from China (PCC) that the industry would like you to purchase. Yes, I am talking about a conspiracy between the seat makers of the world and medical professionals. Then I will conclude with several examples of why I think this is a marketing tool aimed at extorting people for large amounts of money.

Examples of stupid stuff:

One of the first items I came across was the Derri-Air bicycles seats. They provide "luxury gel" seats and covers. I was so intrigued by these that I had to visit their testimonials. I found this testimonial to be interesting, I don't know who Robert C. is, but I think I figured out one of his problems:

Maybe the problem isn't so much that standard seats cut like knives, but that he weighs 270 lbs. That alone would put pressure on any perineum. But (no pun intended) at least he has found an 11 inch wide seat that works for him.

The next interesting product that I found is the Spongy Wonder. I would like to meet the marketing genius that came up with that name! From looking at the description below, even Robert C. at a husky 270 lbs can use the MK9A Model.

All I can say is if you are worried about a traditional seat ruining your love life, wait until she sees you on this.

The final model I would like to point out is the Hobson Noseless Saddle. Not only has Hobson sold about 1/2 million of these bad boys, but they have also created a market for sheepskin covers (scroll down the page). Below is a list of reasons to buy the Hobson Noseless saddle. I added a couple of other reason at the bottom of each column:

As stated earlier, I am not a doctor. I have not conducted numerous studies about the effects. I have suffered the numbness that accompanies 50+ mile rides. I will agree that the discomfort is unpleasant. However, I do not believe that it is so serious that it requires the extremes listed above. I do believe there are a number of examples that counter the medical professionals and the wacky bike seat designer.

Example #1: China

China is known as "the bicycle kingdom" where estimates range from 1 bike to every 2-3 people. That means about 1/2 billion people ride bikes as a form of transportation. In spite of all 1/2 billion perinea screaming out in pain, China has managed to grow to a population of 1.6 billion people. Incontinence.....I think not. Even if you take the staggering number of 1/2 million Hobson saddles that have been sold and send them to China, it is but a mere fraction of the total number of bikes and riders.

Example #2: Olivia my 7 year-old

Example #3 Vance my 4 year-old

Example #4 Simon my 2 year-old

Example #5 Noah (aka Newbie) my 1 month-old

Examples #2-5 demonstrate that countless hours in the saddle have not had a negative impact on my life. Either that or I am superhuman. In fact, I think I may be a better example then China; they are only allowed 1 child per family, therefore not having as much statistical, scientific evidence, or clout as I have provided in having produced four.

Maybe I need Robert C.'s old seat as described in the Derri-Air seat testimony above. He stated that his seat cut like a knife, if you know what I mean.

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