My life has spun out of control and it is time that I get it back under control. In order to get it back in order, I must first admit that I have a problem. As I have gone through life my experiences have changed who I am and what I believe. I have lost track of what my priorities are, as such, I have made a number of decisions that I am not proud of. I am not who my family thinks I am, I live a double life. It is not something that I am proud of but I think it can be repaired with time and understanding.
While it is difficult to live a life of lies, it is even more difficult to tell the truth. For the past couple of years while my wife thought I was working late, I have actually been places I should not have been looking at things I shouldn't be looking at. The other day while I was supposed to be at a doctor’s appointment in Portsmouth, I was at such a place. I should have been on my way home to be with my family, but there I was, with her.
What makes this time different is that I got emotionally involved. I have always justified the fact that it is okay to look as long as it does not go any further. Yesterday it did. On my drive home I couldn't stop thinking about the slender build and curves. I have been distracted since, I cannot concentrate at work, I keep thinking about the connection we had. I am not one that believes in fate or destiny, but how is it that we were both there at the same time. It was so random, so wrong, but it felt so right. It is not some infatuation that will be short lived. She is foreign, mysterious, well kept, and beautiful. There was an amazing connection.
The problem is that I know that we would spend so much time together we would not be able to hide it; other aspects of my life would suffer. What I cannot believe is that she has been untouched and lonely for the last 15 years. I could make her so happy, take her places she has never been, and give her the love she deserves.
These are not the thoughts that a man who has a wonderful wife and four children should be having. I have been married for 11 years yet I lust after another. Then it got worse, I could not wait until lunch to call. The minutes seem like hours. Hours have turned into days. This is not fair to my family, yet I long to touch her.
When I got the courage to tell Emily, I already knew what her reaction would be. I begged her to at least listen. “Hear me out” I cried. She finally composed herself enough to at least hear what I had to say. Her response was as expected “no, you cannot get another bike.”
As previously explained, from time to time I would go to bike shops; I assured her that I only wanted to look. But what are the odds that I would walk into a bike shop and see a 15 year old Basso lugged steel bike with original Campagnolo Chorus gruppo that has never been ridden. You may not be convinced either, but here is where the possibility of fate comes in….wait for it….it is a 62cm bike. What are the odds that it would be in some small out of the way shop for 15 years and my size? It is not like there are many 6”3” Italians running around.
This has never been ridden, of course the slender build is the fine tubing of a steel bike and the curves are the limited edition Cinelli Ergo66 handle bars with matching stem. It has never had pedals on it. I must get back to work, when I say work I mean working out a way to pay for this fine Italian beauty.