Balance: I think I need training wheels

It is a rainy day in Ohio and I am sitting in my room feeling sorry for myself. I don't want sympathy, I am the one who puts myself into these positions. Life is challenging sometimes. Especially when trying to ballance what you need with what you want. I think that this is the difficult part and drives people to do foolish things like buy a Corvette, Harley, or in my case a Specialized S-Works. Ok, I didn't buy that bike but I am still 6 years from being 40 so I have a few years to save up for a $8,000 bike. Which kind of makes the $7,000 Harley Sportster look like a deal. I digress.

As I prepare for the next journey I have had to take a couple of courses. The first was a week and wasn't bad. I was authorized a rental car, the only problem was that I was in the middle of Missouri with nowhere to go. This time I will be gone for a month. I have only been gone for a week and I miss my family tremendously. My family is the need. I need to be with my family, I am probably one of few who actually enjoys the chaos. I love to play with legos and star wars toys with the kids. Who doesn't love pla-doh (it bothers me when the kids mix colors, which shouldn't because it gets dry and full of hair and food bits and gets thrown out quickly anyway).

Now I am stuck in a place where there is a ton to do and no way to get there. I am like a bicycle in many ways. I need someone to hold me up. I need someone to keep me balanced. I love to move and go places but like a bike it is difficult for me to do it alone.

I love adventure, I crave it. I get anxious if I stay somewhere too long. Especially if they don't have good bagels, which turns out to be most places. Here again, I want adventure, I don't need it. Heck, the last big adventure lasted 16 months and at one point (the "highlight" of my life) I ended up in the middle of a gun battle in Baghdad, trying to figure out how I was going to maneuver my platoon. What makes it worse was that we were in an animal pen of sorts, surrounded by sheet metal. With bullets cracking by I notice that one of the donkeys was apparently enjoying it and his junk was fully extended. Why would I notice that when we were getting shot at, all I could think of was GEN Patton and his parting words "what a hell of a way to go." Once again I digress.

The point is that somewhere in life there is balance. I know where I need to be, it is also where I want to be, but yet I struggle to find that balance. I just got off the phone with my wife, I have always loved to hear her voice, especially when she says, "I think you should hang your amazing deer mount next to one of your amazing bikes in the family room, let me take down this family portrait to make room for you." So here I sit, unable to sleep, excited for the opportunity to return to adventure (hopefully they won't have donkeys in the country I am going to). Yet what I really want is to get a pile drive from Simon as Vance kicks me in the ribs (Emily tells me to quit whining and that is what I get for laying on the floor).

Like the bike, I want to go the distance. I want to go forever. I want to take risk and ride the rough and technical routes. Unfortunately, my balance and drive don't get to join me. Maybe it is time for a career change.